HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
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