her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
