Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
