I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
