ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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