he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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