i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
