I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
