no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
