I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
