The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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