So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
my poor anus
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
