Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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