my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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