is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
