I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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