we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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