It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Randomize
