and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
