I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
