nut hugger
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
