If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
