he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
