forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
