I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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