I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
