mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
