My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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