we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
