hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
