one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
