I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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