I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Apparently you make a good broom.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
