Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
