So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
