i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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