i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
