like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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