I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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