I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
