We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
