My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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