1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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