Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
