i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
