y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
