I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
