We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
