Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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