Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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