even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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