Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
