The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
