Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
