***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
