White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
