yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
