We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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